Three Months that Changed My Life
Beginning a blog post is the most difficult part of being a blogger, in my opinion. I guess this, like most anything, applies to many things outside the realm of its description. For example, beginning a blog is like beginning a new job-very unnerving. The conflicting needs of wanting to be liked, wanting to perform well, and wanting to make sure your customers get what they deserve are paramount. This is reflected in beginning a new relationship. Again, you want to be liked, perform well, and make sure the customer gets what they deserve. So I sit here at this keyboard, wanting to be witty, charming, interesting, brilliant, and well-liked.
It's been a long three months since my last update. I wish I had some wisdom to impart on you from this small life-journey, but I don't. All I have are my memories, and even those at this point are vague and unfamiliar.
The school semester is almost over again. I overburdened myself with classes again, and now must reap the scorched harvest of what I have sown. Sign language is like my sexy, but tormenting, lover. She taunts me with her possibilities and licks at my interest, but always remains just out of reach. Psychology is a bust. The teacher has turned me completely off to the subject with his constant displays of intellectual prowess over his students. He is an asshole just for the sake of being an asshole. My other classes are better; advanced public speaking is my forte this semester, and I do very well without even trying. Geology comes to me easily, for no apparent reason other than perhaps a gift from God, who was feeling a bit guilty over the whole psychology thing. I hope to pull off a 3.0 average this semester, and even then it will drag my overall GPA down significantly.
On the work front, I'm still at $3($N^_$(#!* Wireless. My favorite manager left late in January to pursue other career options, and I don't blame her. Replacing her is my co-worker Billy, who fills in many of the management gaps that the previous manager was missing. Where she was ineffective, he is strong. Where she was weak, he excels. I'm not singing his praises or anything, but he was a worthy follow up to her and has pushed us all further.
I've had to work more hours than before, to keep the insurance. Minimum 30 hours. That doesn't seem like a lot, but fitting that in with a grueling school schedule was not my idea of a good time. I'm not taking classes in the summer, instead just working almost full-time and trying to pay off some of the accoutrement I've surrounded myself with since the big news two months ago. Call them comfort purchases, if you will.
Late in January, I noticed I was urinating more than usual, and had an unquenchable thirst. I was trying a T-Hor trademark diet of lettuce leaves and bottled water, so I figured the situation was easy to understand. More fluid in = more fluid out. Hahaha not the case at all. At my last checkup for my reoccurring testicular pain problem (I'm not sure if I've talked about it on the blog, so I'll skip it for now), I had the doctor run some standard blood tests, since it had been 5+ years since I've had them run. About a week later, I get a letter in the mail, with all kinds of test result numbers and computer read-outs, none of which I understand. What I do understand, is this part:
BLOOD GLUCOSE: 151
Under which was written in scribbly doctor handwriting:
COULD BE DIABETIC?
This is the part of the movie where they zoom into the heroine's face, which she puts on her best "horrified" look.
I scheduled a follow-up with the doctor, and she told me that a fasting blood glucose of 151 is definitely in the diabetes range, and no, a retest isn't necessary, and no, the tests aren't sometimes wrong, and yes, I definitely have diabetes. She put me directly on Metformin, a treatment drug, and gave me what engine mechanics call "The 99-Point Checkup". She looked at my feet to check for sores (none), tested my feet for neuropathy (none), checked my blood pressure (a little high), looked over my cholesterol (also a little high), and referred me to an ophthalmologist to check for glaucoma (none), and diabetic retinopathy (also none). She also threatened me by telling me that if my cholesterol and blood pressure weren't better (read: "healthy" or better), she was going to put me on cholesterol-lowering and blood pressure-lowering drugs.
Fuck.
Well, this wasn't completely unforeseen. I was overweight, never exercised, and ate whatever I wanted, mostly in the form of fast food for at least three of my four daily meals. Also, my dad has diabetes, and his dad AND mom had diabetes. I was practically a genetic bomb looking to go off.
I have to admit, being diagnosed as diabetic was depressing. I started doing some research on diabetes online, and was scared out of my mind. On a side note, if you ever think you have something wrong with you, don't look it up online. The internet is chock full of worse-case scenarios, horrible pictures, and chilling stories from people afflicted with the disease you think you have. Just get the scoop from a doctor, and take what they say at face value. Anyway, looking at all the stuff online that can happen with uncontrolled diabetes, I just about lost it. Having Matt, my loving husband, here to help me through it was a Godsend. He's been the most supportive person I've ever encountered in my life. I think I could be blind, deaf, toothless, 500lbs, diabetic, HIV+, and only have one good arm and half a good leg and he'd still love the shit out of me. I don't deserve him.
So what have I been doing since then, you ask? Well for starters, I've lost 35 pounds! I straightened my shit out and haven't eaten a fast food meal since, and have dramatically increased my intake of fresh fruits and vegetables, beans, and grains. I do on occasion dip into the pizza box for a slice or three, and sometime catch myself sneaking a rogue piece of candy, but all-in-all, I've been a hell of a lot more healthy. 90% of the time, my blood glucose reads between 85 and 120, and I've never seen it go beyond 143. I attend weekly diabetic meetings, to get the latest scoop on what foods are good and what are bad, the best medicines, and how to keep myself healthy and active so that having diabetes is just a footnote in the book of my life, and not the final chapter. I've even started a walking/jogging/complaining routine, but that seems to be a little harder to get off the ground than I'd hoped. I think with the improved springtime weather and school finally getting done, that last piece of the puzzle should fall into place as well.
And so, fine readers, my post comes to a comforting end. Is it the perfect fairytale ending we all hope for as little boys and girls? No. But I've made huge changes in my life, and continue to be dedicated to constant improvement. After some thoughtful reflection, I decided I'd rather be diabetic and healthy than non-diabetic and living the way I was.
Peace bitches.
